In response to my “Lowdown on Going Down” post, my loyal reader and our good friend Richard assured us that there is, indeed, such a thing as a BAD BLOW JOB. Sooo, being the naturally inquisitive and eager-to-educate (myself) girl that I am, I asked him to comment on what makes a good BJ. Here is what he had to say:
RICHARD, 51: There’s really not a lot that goes into a good BJ. Mainly just appear you enjoy giving it (even if you don’t–fake it), like it’s the best thing you’ve ever had in your mouth. And, occasionally look up into his eyes. That said, here are some BJ DOs and DON’Ts:
DO:
– Lick it like a lollipop. 
– Look up at him with a look of appreciation in your eyes, like you can’t believe your good fortune to be sucking on his cock.
– Gently suck or lick his balls once in a while, but be careful! They must be handled with care.
– Disengage the mouth and tongue long enough to jack it a few times before going at it again.
– Swirl your tongue around the head.
– Give him a BJ while it’s still wet from being inside your vagina. YES. That is a huge turn-on.
– Deep throat, but only if you can suppress the gag reflex.
– Moan with pleasure.
– SWALLOW!
DON’T:
– Use teeth. OUCH! 
– Try to jam your tongue down the hole in the tip. OUCH! Very painful.
– Spit on it.
– Slobber on it.
– Deep throat if it causes you to gag. Nobody wants a BJ if they fear you’re going to puke at any moment.
– Rush it. We don’t want to feel like you’re just fulfilling your sexual obligation.
– Spit out his load. Don’t ever spit. If you can’t swallow, don’t let him cum in your mouth. Spitting feels like a personal rejection, at least for me. If you absolutely do have to spit, make it seem like you just couldn’t handle his voluminous load and you had to spit to prevent drowning in semen.
DON’T MISS OUT! There is a heated discussion going on in the Comments Section with lots of juicy tidbits. So, click on the COMMENT BUBBLE (looks like a cartoon dialogue bubble) at the TOP RIGHT of the post and join in!
Silky
TEASER: Here is a sample!
Bob:
“Oh geez… The lick it like a lollipop and look at him appreciatively are such porn cliches. Not every guy wants the same thing. If a woman gave me that sort of blow job, I’d be turned off simply because it’s over acting. Moaning with pleasure? Are you looking for a Grammy Award or a good job? Here’s a clue. Date women who get turned on by giving blow jobs and who have some imagination. Let them do what turns them on, because they will figure out what turns you on, turns someone else on, whatever. Women who follow your advice are just going to be mechanical and no better able to do anything but follow a script.
As for the don’t list, really? Any women with a brain who is into what she’s doing, won’t need to be told about her teeth. The only way she could not know is if her mind is somewhere other than on you. The rest if the don’ts are similar. Some guys may want some of those things, others and apparently you, don’t. I don’t like spit, but some guys do.
Finally on the spit swallow thing – yeah, I expect a woman to want to swallow (not just do it for it my sake), but I don’t always want her to swallow. I want her to do what seems hot at the time, which might include letting it run out of her mouth in to her tits or whatever her imagination and creativity produces. If that description of a blow job is supposed to be good, I’d pass on it.”
Silk:
So many things here, Bob…first, thanks for commenting! Always appreciate it. I do think, however, we can disagree with someone and not get nasty. So, play nice kids, or get off the playground! Richard has been good enough to write up these tips at my request, and I appreciate it very much and find them very helpful, as do other women. They are suggestions, not the Ten Commandments. It’s an adumbration, not a court order. I do appreciate you pointing out that not all men like the same things, just as it is with women.
Now, a few points:
1. The reason they are porn cliches is because MOST MEN LIKE THEM. A LOT. Porn is largely produced for men, by men, so if it weren’t popular, they wouldn’t include those things.
2. This many shock you, but, YES, teeth are a wider-spread problem than you think. This is at least the FIFTH time I have heard about this, including in the BJ manual “Blow Him Away” where they instruct the BJ giver to “cover your teeth with your lips.” There are even jokes/funny pictures on this theme on the internet. (One of which I use in my post “The Lowdown on Going Down”.) I agree with you, Bob–it seems like a no-brainer, but, alas. Maybe the BJ giver heard that it was erotic to graze his penis with her teeth. Maybe she’s just nervous and slipped, or didn’t realize she was doing it. Maybe she’s just totally freaking clueless. Who the heck knows? In any case, it happens more often than one might think.
3. Yes, women are actresses. I know men like to think they know for sure when a woman is faking it, but this is simply denial. If women NEVER faked anything in bed, there would be a lot more unhappy, emasculated men in the world. I know this is hard truth, but it’s truth, nonetheless. My advice: get over it and be happy someone likes you enough to fake now and then. (Or, at least, exaggerate.) There are countless men who have been married for years who are so sure they know when they’ve “delivered the goods”–and are dead wrong.
There is a difference between not finding something personally pleasurable, and hating it. Some women enjoy giving pleasure, and are turned on by turning you on. Be grateful these women exist. Not every man has one. Many don’t. MOST WOMEN (I know, I know, you don’t want to believe this, and all YOUR lovers are the exception) do not actually enjoy giving BJs (at least, not in the personally pleasurable sense). If you can’t understand why, try sticking something long and hard down your own throat, suck on it endlessly, and try not to hit the gag reflex. Then, imagine a thick and gooey, odd-tasting substance gushing out of it and into your mouth. Now swallow! It’s not a chocolate-covered banana, you know?
I can see why you wouldn’t want a BJ from a woman who makes her disgust obvious, or gives it begrudgingly. But, as long as she acts happy to please you, what do you have to complain about? The truth is, you’ll never know–and, that’s a good thing!
4. It is very difficult for girls with sensitive gag reflexes to let you cum in their mouths, let alone swallow. (See above!) I am sure I’d throw up if I swallowed. Many times I’ve come close without swallowing. I wish this weren’t the case, but I want to be truthful.
All this said, I wish you many happy oral sessions!
Silky
SinglesSlamDance 